5 Signs Your Insecurities Are Showing at Work - The Muse

5 Signs Your Insecurities Are Showing at Work - The Muse5 Signs Your Insecurities Are Showing at WorkYouve probably had times at work when youve had to suck it up, project a happy face (even though your mood was anything but), and get on with it. A little faking it to get through the work week is normal, but if youre constantly putting on an act with the intention of appearing confident, thats a problem that needs fixing.Feigning it on a regular basis can really just make things worse by highlighting the fact that you dont feel confident in the first place, forcing you to over-compensate to mask insecurities, and struggling to keep up the act. Odds are that if youre doing this, you know it- and so do your colleagues and your boss. Unsure if this is you? Here are five signs that youre leid fooling anyone at the office. 1. You Love Being Right a Little Too MuchWanting to always be right is something a lot of us are guilty of- but its not a great way to be at the office. You try to get your own way in a meeting, work to prove things how things would be better if an earlier decision had gone your way, and aim to be the one in the room to come out shining.Youre probably doing these things for two reasons First, because you have a desire to be seen as right (since that means youre doing great) and secondly, because the drive to avoid being seen as wrong (which would mean you dont have all the answers) is strong. This urge to be correct all the time is a response to the insecurity inherent in not knowing whats going to happen. Beyond that, its driven by the fear of being judged.Whats particularly unfortunate is that this need to be correct- or just perceived as correct by your peers- often comes at the cost of being happy. In other words, you spend more time and energy on proving a point than you do in pursuing what really matters. Thats not only not smart, but its also a clear indicator that youre putting your confidence in the wrong place.So, always be ready to ask yourself, Would I rather be right or happy?2. You Suffer From Bull-in-a-China-Shop SyndromeYou stride into your office, insert yourself into your gruppe, or onto your project, and then proceed to crash around and smash all the good china.You attempt to commandeer meetings and steamroll your way through others presentations. You often try to dominate the conversation and find a way to make it all about you and your projects. Behavior like this is noisy and clamoring, a blustering front designed to fool everyone into thinking you know what youre doing. Its arrogance masking insecurity, and the attention you get from it feels validating.And yet, a person who possesses real confidence doesnt need validation, and doesnt create noise to disguise discomfort. If you have the courage to listen to others, accept feedback and own up to your mistakes, rather than pretending you never make any, your value in the eyes of your colleagues and clients will soar. 3. Youre Happy All the TimeIm kind of an upbeat, smiley guy, and I bring a smile with me most places I go. But pretending that you dont sometimes have crappy days is like looking at the soggy grey clouds rolling overhead and thinking, damn, this sunshine is gorgeous.I know youve woken up on a Monday morning feeling anything but joy and youve forced yourself to schlep into work with a huge grin, chirping Morning to anyone whose path you cross. And while its useful to sometimes suck it up and pretend that things are fine, if youre truly not feeling good because youre overly stressed or a certain project has you on edge, adopting a happy-go-lucky persona is eventually going to reveal itself as an unproductive avoidance strategy. The truth is, we all feel down, burnt out, or overly stressed sometimes, and theres nothing wrong with that. You dont have to throw yourself a pity party or whine over every little thing, but if your go-to is avoidance, eventually the confidence you do have is going to take a hit. So, square up to the reality of the business youre in rather than sticking your head in the sand and grinning when you feel like groaning. Be open and honest with your team when the going gets tough theyll respect you more for being up front. 4. Your Self-Deprecation Goes a Little Too FarMy hairline resembles a retreating ice-shelf. My tendencies toward being a control freak stop just shy of attempting to dominate others in an authoritative manner. And despite still feeling like a 20-something, I shudder at the thought that my middle age makes me old enough to be a parent of those bright-eyed world-changers joining the workplace.I like to think that my self-deprecating humor is equal parts charming and endearing, but Ive seen people who take it a little too far. Are you someone whos guilty of this? You routinely mention that you dont have the soft skills your position requires. You put yourself down at the drop of a hat, saying that your phone behavior is hopeless or that you could never give a goo d presentation. You say things about how youll never get promoted, your hard work will never be recognized- even when you dont really believe that. Nobody cares for someone who doesnt know how to act with confidence or authority when the situation calls for it. And repeatedly putting yourself down when you might actually excel at your job and everyone knows it will only be like shouting, Hey, everyone Lack of confidence right hereSo if you regularly use self-deprecating humor to diffuse, entertain, or connect, its worth checking in from time to time on whether theres something deeper in there that you need a little confidence to deal with.5. Youre Extrinsically MotivatedShow me someone whos motivated by getting a Senior or a VP in front of their job title, and Ill show you someone who wont be happy when they get it. Show me someone whos chasing a corner office, and Ill show you someone who wont be content with an entire floor. And show me someone whos motivated by respect from their peers, and Ill show you someone who will prioritize that over doing work that matters.Extrinsic motivators like job titles, salaries, awards, or reputation are pretty compelling, and the pay-offs can feel oh-so-good. But those things can also be a diversion from asking the big questions, like, what kind of work matters to me? Or how can I make a difference through my work? Or even, what kind of person am I becoming?If you want to stop faking it and embrace your confident side, youve got to change how youre motivated. Since extrinsic success will only ever build a hollow and temporary confidence, theres little point in just checking off the boxes you think will lead you to the top of the ladder. Instead, invest in your professional self enough to explore why youre doing what youre doing and figure out how you can continue to be an asset to your organization without being disingenuous.Chasing status and the appearance of success alone wont help you go from faking it to making it, not by a long shot. Natural confidence is, in many ways, intrinsic- though it can be strengthened and honed if you work to make it happen. And thats the key here. You dont have to fake confidence because it is somewhere within you already. Now its just up to you to find it.